I was talking to this guy the other day, and the issue of sex came up, and I explained that while I don’t have any type of rules regarding sex (i.e. meaning I don’t have a 90 day rule or whatever), I don’t have sex with someone until I know them. He then proceeded to ask me what I meant by that, and I let him know that what I meant was that, until I know someone, their likes, dislikes, their first, last and middle name, things about their family, things about their past, information regarding their past relationships, etc. and until I felt comfortable with a person, my Kit Kat, was on lock down.
Needless to say I ddin’t hear from him again, and I found that funny. I mean, what is wrong with a woman who wants to actually wait. However, I did admire the fact that he didn’t try to run game on me and try to get in my pants anyways, so there was alywas that. Anyways, where I’m going with this, is that women need to stop hopping in bed with a man right away. Not all women do, but a lot of them do, and it needs to stop. I mean if you meet a man and you are attracted to him and you WANT to have sex with him because YOU WANT TO, then by all means lady, get it on and popping, but if you are just doing it because you don’t want him to get mad, or because it’s been 3 months so you feel you owe it to him, or for whatever BS reason females sometimes give themselves, then you need to stop. Over at Madame Noire, they have a great article regarding keeping your “Goodies” to yourself. Their tips are below.
Your Religious or Core Beliefs
If you feel strongly that premarital sex is a sin, then by all means, stick to your guns and wait until you’ve meet the man who is willing to make a commitment to you. If he respects your wishes and your beliefs, then he will make sure you’re both ready and won’t pressure or guilt you into having sex before you’re ready to. Sure, sex can be considered an important part of a relationship, but so are shared values. By abstaining from sex, you can focus on growing emotionally and spiritually with your partner and your union will be stronger for it.
You Just Met Him
There’s nothing wrong with being spontaneous, but having sex with a guy you just met isn’t always the smartest, or safest thing to do. Some will say, “If they mood strikes, and there’s an attraction, then rock with it.” But sometimes having sex in the heat of the moment can cause you to make unwise decisions. If you don’t know this person, you haven’t had a chance to talk about his sexual history, if he’s had any STD’s or if he’s a stalker. One night stands can be exciting, but they can also be followed with feelings of guilt or confusion. And if you’re the type to fall in love at first sight, then your brain may be in La La Land filled with fantasies of your new boo rather than with common sense. If you’ve known him less than a week, you might want to cool off a bit and get to know him a little better.
You’re Too Young
Nowadays, pre-teens and teens are having sex younger and at alarming rates. While most teenagers feel that they’re mature enough to handle sex, studies show that most teens regret having sex after they’ve done it because they weren’t ready. Sex, especially for young ladies and women in general, leads to increased feelings of attachment; so if a teenage girl has sex with a boy who is pressuring her, or because everyone else is doing it, then not only is she immature in choosing to have sex for the wrong reasons, she may not be equipped to deal with the emotional fallout if she finds herself dumped afterward.
Also, most teenagers are not able to support a baby should they become pregnant, and would need to rely on their parents’ support, if they get support at all. And the chance of contracting an STD is greater because most teenagers lack the basics when it comes to sex education, no matter how available it is to them. This can lead to unsafe sex practices, putting themselves and others at risk. If you’re a teenager, rethink your decision to have sex. Besides, being a virgin is not abnormal – it’s actually considered “cool” these days. You won’t regret it later.
You Don’t Want Children or STD’s
Although there is plenty of contraception out there, no form of birth control or contraception is 100% effective except abstinence. For some, that may seem unreasonable or unrealistic, but if you know that you make questionable decisions when it comes to sex, then abstinence may be best for you until you can discuss with your partner the consequences of having sex. Does he currently have and STD? Does HE want children? Will he stick around if you accidentally become pregnant? Do you believe in abortion, and can you come to terms with any decision you make should you have an unwanted pregnancy? Can he? These are things you have to ask yourself and any partner you share your bed with. Until then, celibacy may something to think about.
You Want to Prove Your Love
Sex and love are not the same thing, although for some women, separating the two can be difficult. While most men can have sex with zero attachment, most women are not built that way, and sharing her body with a man may be her way of showing him how much she loves him. Some men even use a woman’s affection for him as a way to manipulate her into having sex before she’s ready, saying things like, “If you loved me, you’d do it.” A man (or woman) who loves and respects you will not pressure you to have sex before you’re ready. A man (or woman) who loves you will know how you feel about him through your heart, not your body…and he will wait for you.
Let’s face it, most relationships are complex enough, so adding sex to the mix may only complicate matters. One night stands, sex too early, sex too late, with the wrong guy, the wrong woman, etc. can just make your life more hectic than it needs to be. If you’re in between relationships, consider celibacy so that you can focus on doing things that you want to do for yourself. Sex in complicated relationships can make you feel vulnerable and out of control. Take this time to focus on peace of mind and freedom to spoil yourself instead of becoming a clingy, stalking crazy person because you messed around and caught feelings with a dude you gave up the cookie too soon. Instead, work out, hang out with your girls, pamper yourself and love yourself literally. After all, pleasuring yourself will not lead to pregnancy, contracting an STD or feelings of guilt or shame. And when you’re finally ready to have sex, you’ll have a better understanding, and appreciation for what brings you pleasure. Win-win!
Source: Madame Noire
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