Every woman knows it can be hard to get over an ex. The constant thinking about all the good times, the Facebook and Twitter stalking, the constant crying, etc. And as a lot of women know, it can be hard to not be bitter, but over at Madame Noire, they had some really good realistic pointers, on how to get over a past relationship without ending up being the bitter ex-girlfriend. Check out the pointers below.
Get it all out – So many times when things go wrong, we end up rehashing them because we haven’t allowed ourselves to really express how we feel. We feed ourselves a falsehood by saying: ”If I don’t think about it then it won’t be that bad.” Actually, it makes it worse. Those dormant feelings will continue to bubble under the surface, just waiting for any opportunity to pop back up. Address how you feel, how things went wrong, why you hate that stupid shirt he/she wore. Get it all out. Once it’s all out, you’ll feel a lot better.
Don’t think about what-ifs – The man who I married (and am now divorcing) was highly sought after at the job where we worked. All most everyday was frustrating for me because I would constantly walk in on these women propositioning him as if I didn’t exist. When we made the decision to end our marriage my mind kept on going back to: ”What if I would have just took a step back and let those women have him? Maybe I wouldn’t be going through what I am right now? They would be the ones angry and running after a toddler by themselves while I’d be living some preposterous hyperbolic lifestyle.”
The problem with all of this is, it wasn’t them. It was me. What’s the point of rehashing what could have been? This is your life, this is what you decided and this what you have to deal with. Now, it might not be pleasant, but thinking about the alternative routes that you should have gone down is only distracting you from making better decisions in the future. Forget the what-ifs, just learn better for tomorrow. Like I’ve read somewhere before: “Life is like a camera, focus on what’s important, capture the good, and develop from the negatives.”
Realize that you’re better without him/her – If the person you were involved with was a class A douche, instead of being bitter about all of the crap he did, be happy that that loser is finally out of your life! Celebrate it! For me being in an emotionally abusive relationship where I wasn’t allowed to see my friends when I wanted to after we broke up I remember sitting back thinking: ”I can’t believe he used to isolate me like that.” Now I can go, see and talk to whoever I want to! My dorm room wasn’t a prison anymore and I finally had the freedom that I didn’t have. Instead of thinking about how much of a jerk he was, see the great things that you now have access to because he’s gone!
Take Yourself Off the Pedestal – Okay, this is going to be a little touchy for some. But, it’s important. Sometimes when you’ve been hurt, you can sometimes go from feeling bad about the situation to feeling bad for ourselves. That’s only a slippery slope to victimization and wallowing in your own self-pity. Yes, what happened to you was horrible, but feeling sorry for yourself is just going to keep you in that terrible space and validate your feelings of bitterness. We’re working away from that.
Open yourself up for the possibility of someone new – When you’re bitter you keep on rehashing the same relationship with the same person over and over again. But when you begin to open yourself to the possibility that there are other relationships out there (if you choose to go that way), it miraculously works for some people. Now, not saying that you need to rebound by jumping into something with someone to get over it; but realizing that just because one relationship didn’t last, doesn’t mean that all relationships don’t. Adopting this mindset might take you from bitter to hopeful.
(If you have children) Keep their best interest in mind – It’s not easy going from a nuclear family unit to a single parent, or a person who wants to see their children and the other person is using them as bargaining tools or a means of blackmail. The thing is, no matter how you feel about the person that you decided to have children with, that person is still your children’s parent, and it creates a chaotic environment for the children when one or both parents are holding on to bitter feelings toward each other. Keep your child in mind, and the fact that the child doesn’t want to hear negative things about the other parent. You don’t have to forgive them, but try to not be vindictive and find a way to be cordial.
Ask yourself: What is the benefit of reliving this situation? – You’re bitter, you’re angry, you can’t discuss your feelings without sweating, but what’s the benefit to all of this? Being bitter and reliving what happened is only causing you pain and stress, both physically and emotionally. Do you really want to give the same person who hurt you multiple opportunities to continue doing their damage even after they’re out of your life? There’s no benefit to it at all, so try to bypass it.
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